Circle of Security rekindles father-daughter relationship
“For the first time in four years, I felt like a dad.”
Sean is a full-time business owner who grew up in a stable home. He started his own family with the birth of his daughter, but life grew complicated when he and his partner split up. They disagreed over what days they each spent with their daughter, which resulted in Sean’s time being cut shorter and shorter. This went on for over three years until finally, they decided to go to court.
When Sean’s ex claimed that he was a bad parent who wasn’t interested in being a dad, his lawyer recommended he take a parenting class to support his case. Having never accessed social services before, Sean didn’t know who to reach out to.
Sean spending time with his young daughter.
Sean started searching for support only to be met with dead ends. He was unable to find a program that matched his situation or fell within his court date. Frustrated, Sean says there were moments when he was ready to give up and walk away.
“I kind of threw my hands up and started to feel like nobody wants to help or nobody cares,” he says. “My time with my daughter was very important to me, and I wanted to be a dad to her, but I was having a hard time getting any kind of information on where I could turn in this situation.”
Turning around
Sean teaching his daughter how to skate.
One day, Sean got a call back with a referral to our Family Resources Network (FRN). He still felt discouraged but ultimately decided to give the program a try.
Sean started talking with Trellis’ FRN staff, who he says helped him right out of the gate. They went over different supports that would help him learn more about caring for his daughter. Sean was drawn to the online Circle of Security Parenting Program as the idea of ensuring his daughter felt safe and secure resonated with him.
Sean’s work schedule was too unpredictable for him to register for the current weekly class. However, the team offered to arrange flexible times for all eight sessions which Sean promptly signed up for. they would arrange flexible times to fit his availability. Sean was very grateful for this option and signed up for the class.
“That’s when things really started to turn around,” Sean says. “My feelings towards all this changed, and I just focused on getting some help and guidance.”
Going into his first session, Sean wasn’t sure what to expect. He was nervous about not knowing the right answers, but he soon got into the flow of things and felt at ease around the staff. Over the next two and a half months, FRN staff checked in every Monday to schedule their weekly meeting and sent Sean the corresponding handouts. Sean always arrived on time (once from the back of his truck at a worksite!) with materials printed and having reflected on the previous week’s content.
“That’s when things really started to turn around. My feelings towards all this changed, and I just focused on getting some help and guidance.”
Sean was very engaged in the class and picked up on the concepts quickly. One valuable takeaway for Sean was knowing that things aren’t always going to be perfect. Both parents and kids will make mistakes, but there is always opportunity for repair and to talk things out. This was an eye-opener for Sean because he had been hard on himself when he thought his daughter wasn’t having a good time or she had a better connection with other family members. It took the pressure off and helped Sean focus on how he could best support his daughter.
Sean began to feel more confident in his parenting abilities and applied what he was learning as he spent more time with his daughter. He made sure to be present when his daughter was playing and gave her freedom to explore. He also learned to be more assertive and set healthy guidelines for his daughter.
Sean noticed the difference this made in their relationship. She called him dad more and was excited to come over. She would tell her mom about their time together and ask when she could see him next.
“For the first time in four years, I felt like a dad,” Sean says.
Sean and his daughter spending time at a friend’s ranch,
Between weekends with his daughter, Sean would check in with the FRN staff during their meetings together. He felt comfortable talking about his experiences and asked questions whenever he was unsure.
“As I was getting more time with my daughter and things were shifting, it was super nice to have some backup and somebody to talk to,” he says. “I couldn’t put a number on the value that I got out of that.”
A beautiful outcome
Nine weeks later, Sean received his certificate of completion. He told the FRN staff how much this journey had meant to him and thanked them for their “wisdom, knowledge and kind words”. The staff wished Sean luck at court and assured him that he could reach out any time for support.
When the judges looked at Sean’s case, they saw how invested he was as a parent. Sean’s ex was also surprised to see the effort he had put into the Circle of Security classes. Both judges came to the same conclusion: “This is a dad who just wants to spend time with his daughter.”
Sean was granted one week on/one week off custody, and he was so happy he was shaking from excitement. “It was like a sigh of relief, the biggest weight off my shoulders,” Sean says. “It was just the best day!”
The tension eased between Sean and his ex, and he has continued to see more good days with his daughter. She is full of energy, just like her dad, and some of their favourite activities to do together are camping, hiking, biking and skating. The most important part for Sean though, is being there to see his daughter grow. Her safety and security come first, and as long as he’s a dad, Sean’s goal is to give his daughter her best chance to be a child and enjoy life.