Foster Parent Q&A: Families helping families
Megan Lachance has been a foster parent with Trellis for five years. To date, she and her husband have welcomed eight children into their home. In this Q & A, we spoke with Megan about her experience as a foster parent and helpful insights for those who are considering fostering for the first time.
What led to your decision to become a foster parent?
One of my parents was adopted, so I kind of always had adoption on my radar. But then I started working for Trellis’ Youth Transitions to Adulthood program where I was helping kids transition out of foster care.
I had one child who had been in 20 different homes by the time he was 16. Other kids had ended up in group homes because there weren't enough foster families. I kept hearing all their stories of what they went through, and I wanted to do more.
My husband I both had the same desire to be a long-term home if needed for these kids, even if they had lots of struggles.
What was your first year of fostering like?
We had a seven-month-old and then a shortly after, we had another child who was 16 months old. So we kind of ended up parenting ‘twin’ one-year-olds. But our first year was actually amazing.
For that first child, her mom did everything she needed to do, and she ended up going home. To this day, they're still doing great. Mom's had another kid. She went back to school. She's just doing amazing. We still hear from her from time to time because we built a really good relationship with her. It was almost like the perfect foster story.
What is the process like when you are matched with a child?
Placements in our home have happened quickly. We've dropped off a kid before and literally driven over to pick up the next one right after because the needs for placements are high.
One of the really great things that I love about fostering with Trellis is that they get to know you as a foster parent —your skills, preferences, what level of needs you can handle. Then they'll call you for a child that they think would be a fit for your home. They'll give you the profile, but you can still say yes or no at that point. The whole goal is to avoid breakdown, so they don't want to give you a child that you aren't going to be able to support.
What level of needs were you looking to support?
At first, it was more general. As I transitioned to being at home full time the level of need also shifted as I had the time and capacity to support in a different way
That's the nice thing, too, is you can change your profile as your life changes. When I gave birth, we put our home on hold for a year. We kept the kids we already had, but we didn't take any new kids when I was postpartum. The agency will work with you to meet where you and your family are at.
What have been some of the highlights of fostering for you?
Definitely when the kids can go home to their parents. When the parents do what they need to do, and their children get to go home and be with them, that's probably one of the best feelings. Also seeing the kids thrive.
The six-year-old we have now experienced neglect at a very young age, and because of this, his development was impacted. He didn't talk, he didn't walk, but now he's thriving. Providing them that stable home to launch off of and then seeing the difference that makes in all they're able to do is really rewarding.
What have your relationships with the children’s families been like?
For all of the kids in our home, we talk to biological parents, grandmas, extended relatives, etc. I really enjoy keeping in contact with their circles and building those relationships so that they can meet the kids and guide them as well. Most of the parents have been great. They come to appointments with me. They send emails and pictures to their kids. For our six-year-old, his great-grandma takes him for the weekend to meet with family.
When children have those connections with their biological family, it really helps their self-esteem and knowing who they are in the world. I always say, there's nothing wrong with more people to love your kids.
“...there’s nothing wrong with more people to love your kids. ”
What were some challenges you experienced as a foster parent?
I had a really rough postpartum and recovery period. At the same time, one of our foster kids was having a hard time with a new baby in the house because of different attachment struggles. Three months later the pandemic hit, and daycare shut down. All of a sudden, we had a three-year-old, two toddlers and a newborn all at home when I was recovering during the pandemic.
What helped you through those challenges?
Maria, my worker at the time, was amazing. She was always supporting us and offering resources to try to help out. She would even stop by just so I had someone to talk to. She also connected us with an attachment specialist to help us navigate what was going on with our one child.
We have a pretty solid support system in our personal life, but they don't know the ins and outs of fostering. Having an agency and somebody who was there to support me and advocate for me helped me get through that really hard time.
What happens if foster parents are struggling to care for a child?
All these kids have needs, and they all are different, but I think some people only hear the horror stories. They think that if they’re having problems with a child, they are stuck there, which is not the case. Of course, the agency will try to support you to see if there is any way to keep the child in the home, but if it's not working, it's not working.
We had one child come in who was originally thought to have a speech delay, but he actually had severe autism. Trellis helped us access so many supports like daycare and an overnight aide. He was in our house for almost two months before they supported a transition for him. Trellis was really great at helping us to navigate that. They are there to help make it work, but even if your house has a breakdown, they will support you through that.
What misconceptions have you heard about being a foster parent?
I think one of the biggest misconceptions people have is they think can’t foster because they would get too attached. They would be upset when the kids leave. But in my mind, that's actually what's needed. These kids need somebody to get attached to them and bring them into their home.
It’s sad to say goodbye whenever a child leaves my home, but I also think it’s worth it in the sense that you made such a difference for that child and that family. A lot of people think the goal of fostering is to adopt, but it’s to reunify. You're taking them in temporarily, and returning them home is the goal.
“A lot of people think the goal of fostering is to adopt, but it’s to reunify. You’re taking them in temporarily, and returning them home is the goal.”
People can also have negative views of the biological parents. The majority of parents are typical people who are navigating challenging life circumstances
We've had a couple of rough starts with parents, but they always ended well. We’re very intentional about letting them know that we want them to do what they need to do so that they can get their kids back. We will say that message over and over again. That really helps the relationship.
I think another barrier, especially right now, is money. A lot of families worry they won’t have enough money to support another child. In fact, Alberta provides financial support to cover a foster child’s needs. This includes an allowance to cover the cost of formula, diapers, wipes and general infant/young child needs. There are also supports for enrolling foster children in recreational activities as well as resources for travel and childcare costs.
What has been the most rewarding part of being a foster parent?
I’m helping other members in the community, and I get to do it from my house! You’re impacting people's lives and helping them for the better. The goal is to have whole families where the parents can take care of their children, but you’re also helping those children heal and break the cycle of trauma. You're making a difference, not just today, but also in the future.
What advice would you give to other potential foster parents?
Finding the right supports is essential. Our family received the support we needed through Trellis’ foster care program, and I’ve recommended to other interested applicants to connect with an agency and learn more.
Take the trainings offered to you and ask lots of questions. No one will think less of you. I have an extensive social work background, but I still learn new things. Those resources are there for you. Use them so that you, your family and the child in your home can have success.
Any last thoughts?
I want to encourage people to just try. Make the phone call, ask those questions, see if you can do it. If you try fostering and it doesn't work, it didn't work. But you might actually be really good at it and enjoy it and make a huge difference in people's lives.
Thanks to kind, generous families just like yours, we are able to provide children and youth in Calgary and area with safe, nurturing and supportive care when they need it most.